Everley Meets Dr.Duffy

Today we took Everley to Jacksonville to meet Dr.Duffy for the first time. She did SO good! She slept the whole way there and most of the way home. She was one smiley, happy baby for the most part. 

Look at these two:

I looked over and saw Everley touching Dr.Duffy's face and I about melted in the floor-so precious! It was so good to catch up and to introduce Dr.Duffy to our precious miracle baby. It is so crazy to think that a year ago he was releasing me back into my normal OB's care, the end of my first trimester with Everley. We were sad that Nan, the nurse who has been with us from the very beginning, couldn't be there because of a family emergency. But, we plan on visiting again soon so she can get her hands on Everley, too. 

Looking back, most days the thought of bringing our baby to Jacksonville for a visit seemed crazy and like an impossibility, because we had tried so hard and it felt like we would never have our baby in our arms. It still doesn't seem real to me that Everley is here.

We are so grateful to Dr.Duffy and Nan and all the sweet nurses that God placed in our lives. And Kristi-Lord knows we are so grateful for her and her sweet family. 

Today was so very special to us. 

90's Christian Music

The other day the chorus of a song I used to listen and sing to popped into my head. So, I sang it to Everley and she acted like she loved it. So when she would start to fuss, I would sing it to her again and she would just look at me and make this sound that she makes when she wants you to do something again-a sound that I think I will still hear in my head when she is old and married-I love that little sound. Anyways, I couldn't remember the verses to the song so I dug the cd out and played it for Everley-who knew she would like Avalon! 

Tonight, I was swinging underneath the pecan trees as Everley was drifting off to sleep and staring in my face. I started singing the chorus to that Avalon song she likes so much. The chorus goes like this: 

"I don't want to go somewhere 

If I know that You're not there,

'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.

And I don't want to walk that road,

Be a million miles from home,

Cause my heart needs to be where You are.

So I don't want to go."

Tears began to well up in my eyes as I thought about the millions of times me and Sarah jammed out to that song, as well as a million others. After the journey we have been on the past three and a half years, it amazes me that I can still remember the choruses to songs like this, but then again, I know that is by God's divine mercy and grace. Those songs I sang long ago were just one of the ways He was preparing my heart for the road that was before me. 

I started thinking about the lyrics to that chorus that I hadn't thought of 

in years, and about losing Jonah and then Harper. And then the rough road of IVF that we walked down with Kristi, in all her selflessness...and I just cried (and Everley looked at me like I was crazy) because I know that we would have never kept going if it weren't for God leading us and walking with us every step of the way...that if He had not walked with us, I would not have wanted to go. 

So, when my Mama had heard all the singing she could bear to hear back then,  she didn't realize that God would use it to speak to my heart all these years later as I swing with this precious miracle named Everley. 

My 29th Birthday

Today is my birthday-a day I share with my twin sister, Sarah. I can't even believe we are 29! Last year of my 20s...oh my.

Birthdays have always been special until three years ago. After I lost Jonah, I dreaded the arrival of my birthday because I had so been looking forward to holding my baby boy in my arms on my birthday, and every other day. So, after losing Harper too, every birthday since I have felt so sad. Sad because yet another year had passed and my arms were still empty and Heaven held more of my heart. 

I have found this year that my birthday is still hard, because Jonah and Harper are There and we are here, incomplete until our reunion in Heaven. I am sad that two little boys aren't running around the kitchen wanting me to blow out the candles on my cake. This day is so bittersweet this year.

On my birthday, I have spent the afternoon at Everley's four month well baby check-up. She cried and I teared up and I held her close...and while I hate to see her hurt, I am so glad that I can pull her close and feel her little body relax because she knows her mama is holding her and making things better. And that will get me through to my next birthday.

I am thrilled to death that Everley is sleeping peacefully in my arms as I type this, that my day has started and ended with me holding her. This year, my arms are not empty and for that I am so very thankful.